My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
