woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
