Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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