im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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