We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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