I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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