using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
