Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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