Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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