Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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