KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
