Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
