Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
