Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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