Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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