I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
