glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
