After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
