i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
