I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have fence marks all over my body
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
