The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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