if i can run in heels then i can drive
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
