There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
