Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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