Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
