you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
