They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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