I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
