I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
