God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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