also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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