I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
