YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize