My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
