I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
