Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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