I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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