The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
