I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
