I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I enjoy the company of your penis
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
