He told me they were just razor bumps!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
