his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
