I think I died a long time ago.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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