Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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