Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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