C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
