im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
