we need to drink 2009 down the drain
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Boobs are out for the taking
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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