Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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