He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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