He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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