I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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