sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
