I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
