I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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