If i come over, it means nothing
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
