based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
