I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Randomize
