I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This is the prime rib incident all over again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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