I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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